12th December 2020. Home, Hertfordshire.

I’ve had the pleasure of contributing to a big article for the Daily Mail this week. Actually, it’s the Mail, Metro, i and the Evening Standard. But I’m not one to show off.

Being the first country in the western world to approve the vaccine for COVID-19, the government are keen to get some positive coverage. They want to hear from people keen to be in the first wave of vaccinations.

I’m not one to turn down a vaccination, I’d even happily take part in a trial.

For the past year, I have fully placed my faith in medical science and, as it stands, it’s working for me.

I don’t believe that cannabis oil and turmeric have any impact on cancer, so big pharma can stick whatever they like in my arm. Everyone else is welcome to make their own choices on healthcare, but I have made mine.

Anyway, it turns out that I don’t need to beg and plead to get the vaccine. The NHS have classed me as being ‘clinically extremely vulnerable’, so I’m right up there in the pecking order.

How did that happen? It’s based on ‘a clinical judgement and assessment of my needs’ apparently. Except, it isn’t. I haven’t been assessed, and my GP hasn’t seen me since September 2019. My physicians and oncologists haven’t decided on my behalf either. Because I was being treated, I’m forever on the list. The NHS is like the hotel California.

It’s not just good for jumping the queue on a vaccine though. Apparently this high status means I can get my hands on a flu jab every year, free vitamin D supplements, and a sick note whenever I fancy it.

I was hoping for a blue badge though…