There will be changes.

It’s ok to sit down to wee.

You may as well know now, there’s going to be some changes round here. At least, for a while anyway.

You might just have to get used to being one of those guys that sits down to pee.  Practical things like having a circumcised penis is owning your very own fire hose. Standing too close to the urinal might also result in wet clothes (it will)

Give it a chance.

All the surgery, radiotherapy and chemotherapy take a heavy toll on your lymphatic system. Because of where most of the work is concentrated, that’s going to have an enormous effect on your fun zone!  I’m writing these words seven months on from my last bout of surgery, and four months after the radio-chemotherapy has finished. My pubic hair is only just starting to grow back.  So, under the surface, there must be all kinds of shenanigans happening! Where that lymph is now starting to dissipate naturally, my legs are red hot.

When the lymphatic system is damaged, the body has to find somewhere new for all that lymph to go. The point where everything meets is where the lymph pools, and that means big swollen bollocks. You might have a couple of thick ribbed rings round your cock too. In the early days of radiotherapy, your penis could just be buried in a sea of testicular skin. Every time you need to go for a wee, you have to fish it out.  Other times, it could just sit up proudly, like an angry little lighthouse atop a rock of swollen scrotum. 

Unless you’re a fan of water sports, just swallow your pride and sit on the toilet. Honestly.

**9 month update**  Good news. Whilst I still have a few difficult mornings where things get swollen, after 9 months it’s really getting back to normal.  The public hair has almost grown back from where it was burnt off during radiotherapy. My balls are getting back to a normal size, whatever that is.  I still have a bit of hard skin sometimes, but it’s a different world from the summer!  It really does get better.

You’ll blow up like a balloon.

The body often finds a way to cope if you give it the chance.  I’ve done a lot of the heavy lifting by giving up drinking and giving up the inflammatory foods I love. I don’t eat much cheese and red meat and I’ve moved to a one meal a day diet. I’ve given up sugar pretty much wherever I can, because that affects me like nothing else.

I’m not saying you should change your world, but that’s just what worked for me.

Do you like a long, hot soak in the bath?  Yeah?  Well that’s going to need to stop if you’ve had lymph nodes removed.  There’s probably a better scientific explanation, but the hot water gets everything excited. Your legs, (and more importantly your bollocks) can swell up and it takes AGES for that swelling to subside again.  It’s probably going to have to be showers from now on…

Don’t be surprised if one leg looks thicker than the other some days, or that socks leave a mark. Until your lymph has found a different route away from the groin, try and wear loose clothes. Who needs socks anyway?